Frighten the Horses by Oliver Radclyffe

A textured, sharply written memoir about coming of age in the fourth decade of one's life and embracing one's truest self in a world that demands gender fit in neat boxes

From the outside, Oliver Radclyffe spent four decades living an immensely privileged, beautifully composed life. As the daughter of two well-to-do British parents and the wife of a handsome, successful man from an equally privileged family, Oliver played the parts expected of him. He checked off every box--marriage, children (four), a white-picket fence surrounding a stately home in Connecticut, and a golden retriever named Biscuit.

But beneath the shiny veneer, Oliver was desperately trying to stay afloat as he struggled to maintain a facade of normalcy--his hair was falling out in clumps, he couldn't eat, and his mood swings often brought him to tears. And then, on an otherwise unremarkable afternoon in September, Oliver Radclyffe woke up and realized the life of a trapped housewife was not one he was ever meant to live. In fact, Oliver had spent his entire life denying the deepest, truest parts of himself. In the wake of this realization, he began the challenging, messy journey toward self-acceptance and living a truer life, knowing he risked the life he'd built to do so.

That journey was fraught, as Oliver navigated leaving a marriage and reintroducing himself to his children. And despite the challenges he faced, Oliver realized there was no way for him to go back to the beautiful lie of his previous life. Not if he wanted to survive.

Frighten the Horses is a trans man's coming of age story, about a housewife who comes out as a lesbian and tentatively, at first, steps into the world of queerness. With growing courage and the support of his newfound community, Oliver is finally able to face the question of his gender identity and become the man he is supposed to be. The story of a flawed, fascinating, gorgeously queer man, Frighten the Horses introduces Oliver Radclyffe as a witty, arresting, unforgettable voice.

"Radclyffe writes movingly about parenting and the emotional risks of every step he takes toward affirming his maleness . . . [A]s a testament to midlife transition -- especially in a time when so much of the cultural conversation around gender rights focuses on young people -- Radclyffe's memoir offers a valuable alternate narrative to the loss and pain that queer history has too often insisted on."--Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, New York Times

"It's the voice that makes this memoir stand out . . . This is a writer who can capture any moment with a dazzling, insightful, at times musical phrase."--Oprah Daily

Oliver Radclyffe is the author of Frighten the Horses published by Roxane Gay Books, and Adult Human Male published by Unbound Edition Press. His work has appeared in the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, The Guardian, Electric Literature, The Gay & Lesbian Review, Literary Hub, PRINT Magazine, and Them. Born in the UK, he currently lives on the Connecticut coast.